I don't know how to defend my self with words, I realize how stupid me don't know n lacks with daily life live. I thought sorry for being here

What should I do actually, I don't have nothing as my spain or stay beside me, I don't have nothing left

Of this day I realize that how people perception n thought can be too hard to handle. Even for me
I always accept but hurted
I have too many lacks so I have no right for feeling sad
That lacks as normal person is too grief
I am sorry ya Alloh. It's kinda miracle how I still survive with this personality n without doing anything bad.
Once again I wonder should I kill this personality of me, no matter how kind n caring I can be, people seems won't be empathy about it. They will more satisfied with someone capable not my care of person